everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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