if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
