Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
