my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
