so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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