You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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