Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
