The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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