I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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