It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
