Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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