I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
