I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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