My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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