please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
two words: eviction party
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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