my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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