Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My ass is underappreciated
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
