he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
