I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
