i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
