I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
