The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
