Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
