Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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