So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
