I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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