Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
