I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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