After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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