the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
