i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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