my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There r osticjed everywhere
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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