There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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