remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
