So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
