3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
this boner is exhausting
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
