fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
