I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
