I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm getting married
To pizza
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
