so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
if only i could text you this smell
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
