Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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