I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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