Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
