I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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