So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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