I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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