My girlfriend figured out who you are.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
