Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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