i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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