I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
