"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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