we're making bets on your personal life
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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