It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
